26th November 2008

It would seem, to those of the uninitiated, that a man in a red suit has descended a whole month early and we can all enjoy a bumper Christmas – hurrah!

The thing is, the prominent feature of this Santa is not the kindly round visage surmounted by a bushy white beard but rather, this grotto dweller has caterpillar eyebrows and would not look out of place in a gurning contest. Yes I do of course refer to our illustrious chancellor of the exchequer who, under the illusion (or even delusion) of munificence now reckons we should spend spend spend. That is now that the economy is on its backside, thanks to our cousins in America
(also see)
Over-sexed definitely overpaid &amp not over here any more
America sneezes, Britain dies of pnuemonia

Amongst other apparent gestures of goodwill, he has reduced VAT (Very Awful Tax) from 17.5% to 15%. So enjoy – you can now go out and spend £115 as opposed to £117.50 saving a whole £2.50. I don’t know what you will do with this saving, maybe buy another pint of beer to cry into, or a quarter of Uncle Joe’s mint balls (readers will forgive the writer for using imperial measures). Such generosity is astounding. Will it encourage you good people to spend? Let me give you good readers a saving tip. What you need to do is spend over a grand plus VAT because that way you will save £25 - enough for a Marks and Spencers voucher or a Vindaloo from the local curry emporium. But then you will need to finance this purchase and need credit and there ain’t too much of that about – truly awesome.

And here’s the rub. Our man at number eleven knows that the tax take is ebbing because of the way the economy has gone and the way his lot has created jobs for a legion of do gooders, regulators and ‘elf and safety anoraks. He gives out of one hand but, mark my words, will rape and pillage with the other when the time comes in a couple of years. Make no mistake, this is a socialist rabble that wants your money and this fiscal sponge will take back your cash and more in the years to come. Do not trust the horse Trojans. Whatever it is, I fear the Greeks even when they bring gifts.

So why the generosity – it’s dead simple to me. This man and his motley fellow brigands have conceived of an idea to give a little now, so that more can be mulcted from us later and to justify what were inevitable tax rises in any event. It is nothing to do with the current threat of recession – we are already in that and retailers are cutting their prices to get us in the shops anyway. This government has created that many quangos and useless jobs, manned by feckless and fatuous persons, that our dough is needed to keep it all going. Our Darling of a Chancellor will tell us that only the rich will lose out but the words hog and wash come to mind. Only today, I heard a report that consideration had been given to raising VAT to 18% after the next election. According to a government anorak, this was apparently rejected and the fact that it appeared on an HMRC website was an ‘administrative’ error.

Can we count on this lot to tell us the truth – of course not. So the fact that old Darling tells us that tax will rise after the next election will not be the whole truth and this is what is so worrying. Of course, and may God save us, it will hopefully be a Tory chancellor that will hold the reins then. The Tories have already said that this man is taking a huge gamble with our money. But then, we know that already don’t we? He’s already invested our money into ailing banks only for many of those organisations to continue behaving without an ounce of integrity or regard for the economy at large. The banks are leopards whose spots will never change – they only think about themselves. Believe me, they don’t care a flying flip about you and I. They are Jurassic dinosaurs devouring all before them, creating nothing but waste and hot air. In the good times they raped us and in the bad times they go back to the very same people who they raped to bail them out and the only reason they could do this was because of all the depositors’ money they held, which would have gone AWOL had they sunk. The fact that they too had been reckless with depositors’ money and the regulator failed to see it coming has no bearing on it. The whole thing is an insult to our intelligence.

So gone are the days when our prudent government encouraged saving – you might remember that shortly after it gained power, Brownie donned the Viking helmet and sailed his longboat into the land of pensions and sacked the city by removing tax credits on pension funds’ income; so no joy there. And then, because of the state of the stock market, pensions have taken a right stuffing and so are worth diddly in any event. So, you may as well spend now because retirement is not a welcome prospect. In fact, we are all doomed to travail until we drop and are picked up like knackered cattle. And to get the best out of dead cattle Jamie Oliver (or is it Hugh Fearnley Whitting something) tells us they should be hung for three weeks. I know who I want to be hung.

I’ll leave you with a little thought from Sophocles (496 – 406 BC), in Ajax
Nought from the Greeks towards me hath sped well.
So now I find that ancient proverb true.
Foes’ gifts are no gifts: profit bring they none.